"Clean Slate Friends: Surround Yourself with Supporters of Your Growth!"

​While the language we speak to ourselves is undoubtedly a major barrier to growth and transformation, so too are the relationships we maintain. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes we must limit our exposure to people and situations that anchor us to the versions of ourselves we no longer want to be. These relationships may not align with our goals or who we are striving to become.

How Do I Identify These Relationships?

Some common characteristics of unsupportive relationships are easy to spot, but hard to accept—especially when they involve people we care about. Often, these individuals cannot see beyond who we used to be, or they limit us based on their own insecurities, biases, or lack of growth. While these relationships keep us in our comfort zones, they ultimately hinder our expansion. 

Here are some red flags:

*They don’t support your efforts, or their support only goes so far. 
*You don’t feel comfortable sharing your dreams, and when you do, they don’t actively engage in the conversation.
*They rarely, if ever, talk to you about their own aspirations.
*They are pessimistic or consistently bring up barriers to your success.
*They show disinterest in your growth or the growth of others. 
*When you pursue your dreams, they decrease communication or withdraw entirely.

These traits are just a few signs of an unsupportive relationship. Ultimately, most relationships form to meet a need, and when that need is no longer served, the relationship often deteriorates.

The Hidden Dynamics of Relationships

Sometimes, it’s hard to pinpoint why a relationship formed in the first place. For instance:

*You may form a friendship at work and assume it’s based on mutual interests, but it might actually stem from admiration of the other person’s style or presence.

*Meanwhile, the other person may have needed someone to mentor or someone who reinforced their sense of superiority. 

As the dynamic shifts—such as when the "mentee" grows and comes into their own—the "mentor" may feel their role is no longer needed and begin to disengage. This can leave the mentee feeling unsupported, while the mentor perceives the relationship as no longer serving them.

Not all relationships are built to last a lifetime. Sometimes, they serve a purpose for a specific season or circumstance. This doesn’t make either person “bad”; it simply means the relationship, as it currently exists, is no longer beneficial for growth. Addressing this issue often requires deeper self-work, as it’s not just about the other person—it’s also about understanding our own needs and boundaries.

What Can We Do?

If you find yourself in a relationship where someone cannot support your expansion:

Decrease Contact: In some cases, reducing interaction is the simplest way to preserve your peace. Seek out relationships that align with your growth energy.

Coping with Complex Relationships: For relationships that are harder to distance yourself from, like family, focus on managing your feelings rather than trying to "fix" the other person.

Open a Conversation: If the relationship is important to you, express your feelings about the lack of support. From there, it’s up to the other person to reflect on their actions and decide if they want to adjust.

Remember, as friends or loved ones, it’s not our job to “fix” anyone. We have the right to walk away and pursue connections that align with our energy—or we can approach the relationship with honesty and let the other person decide how to respond.

Feel free to share your experiences with unsupportive relationships, the emotions they brought up, and how you’ve addressed them—or are still navigating them.​

Stay Well,

Frankie Alisha

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