"Finding Peace in the Spaces In Between"

"Your happiness does not hang in the balance; it lives in the space where you can accept yourself right where you are."             
                                     -Frankie-

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​Frankie, what’s a goal you want to accomplish in year 37?
“I want to strengthen the ability to feel ‘okay’ in the spaces in between.”

I don’t get it—what do you mean by spaces in between?
“The ones where everything tells you to push through. The ‘you’ll get there’ spaces.”

Most of our lives are spent striving to reach goals or clinging desperately as the pendulum swings between extremes. On one end is where we want to be—some ideal or expectation—and on the other is the perceived lack of it.
We’ve been told to “enjoy the process,” but the world bombards us with messages that we should always be working harder or striving to achieve something—always chasing the positive extremes: happiness, success, excitement, spirituality, fulfillment, and so on.

What About the Spaces In Between?
What happens when you find yourself in between sadness and happiness, or somewhere between being a hermit and a social butterfly, with no desire to reach either extreme?
That, my friend, is often labeled as a problem. Stay there long enough, and you might walk away with a clinical diagnosis. The underlying message? You’re inadequate.
This narrative is reinforced by our environments—objects, people, jobs, and even our own thoughts—and we, in turn, pass that feeling of inadequacy onto others. It’s this sense of “not enough” that triggers the desire to belong, catapulting us into a dangerous cycle of pendulum swinging, chasing goals and expectations that were never truly ours to begin with.

The Exhausting Chase
When we pursue things that aren’t aligned with our authentic selves, we have to work even harder to attain and maintain them. This relentless chase often leads to exhaustion, burnout, and a loss of resilience. It distracts us from what matters most: the ability to feel okay with where we are in this very moment.

A Possible SolutionIt’s not about balance.
It’s about removing labels and monitoring our mental diets—being intentional about the messages we allow into our minds. Our mental strength drives our physical actions, and sometimes the best thing we can do is forget where we’re headed and train ourselves to feel okay with where we are, both physically and mentally.
When we place success solely on a future destination, we inadvertently label our current state as unsuccessful. This creates a host of negative labels that weigh us down and make the present feel unbearable.

Practical Steps

• Recognize Triggers: Identify the situations and thought patterns that make you feel inadequate.
• Neutralize Reactions: If possible, remove yourself from environments that perpetuate these feelings—physically or mentally. Stay neutral to triggers that can’t be avoided.
• Reframe Your Perspective: Counteract negative thoughts by reframing them. Instead of focusing on what you lack, focus on what you have and what you are.

Why It MattersAs a middle-aged woman, I’ve experienced (or witnessed) countless examples of how feelings of inadequacy can erode mental well-being and relationships. These feelings often stem from perceived shortcomings related to intelligence, appearance, race, education, career, body image, parenting, relationships, finances, or even social standing.
This endless comparison game doesn’t just harm us—it impacts how we connect with others. Removing the chains of inadequacy takes work, but the rewards are immeasurable.
So here’s my goal for year 37: to sit comfortably in the spaces in between, to embrace the moment without judgment, and to allow myself to simply be.
Stay well,

Frankie Alisha

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