Finding My Own Way Through Conflict

By Frankie Alisha
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I was listening to a conversation recently that made me stop and really think about how we show up for hard conversations. The podcast episode with Mel Robbins and Kwame Christian, had me pausing, rewinding, and scribbling notes more than once. It wasn’t about having the perfect strategy or following a script. It was about those small choices we make in the middle of the mess, the quiet ways we keep ourselves grounded when everything feels like it could slip out of control.

“A quiet pause to gather my thoughts and reconnect, the gentle art of listening to myself and to others.”

What struck me most was the idea of starting with the facts, pausing to name the other person’s feelings, and then leading with curiosity. It sounds simple, but it made me realize how rarely I actually do it. Too often, I skip right past what’s real and jump straight to defending myself or trying to fix things. I don’t give myself that moment to breathe, to anchor myself in what’s actually true and what someone else might be carrying that I can’t see.

Since hearing that, I’ve been practicing it in small ways. When I feel the tension rise, I write down what’s real for me, the facts, not the fears. I remind myself that I don’t have to figure everything out in one breath. I let myself say, “I see you’re feeling hurt” instead of “you’re being defensive.” It shifts something. It softens the edges. And I’ve noticed that when I’m curious about what’s behind someone else’s words, it’s easier to stay steady in my own. I’m learning that conflict isn’t something to fear or avoid … it’s a place to listen more deeply. To let the quiet work of curiosity shape the way I respond, not just react. And maybe that’s the real wisdom here, that the more we stay open, the more space we create for understanding, for healing, and for seeing each other more fully.

I’d love to hear how you navigate these kinds of moments. What helps you stay curious and present, even when it’s hard?